#Y&*^$%#@

You know, it has to be one of the utilities, right?

In this case it is Verizon.

I was up early Friday morning because the grandkids were coming to spend the day. So after getting the gate open and having my breakfast, and knowing the kids like to play on the computer, I decided to log in and write an entry on this blog.

No can do. No dial tone.

Again.

That was the fourth time this year.

I cannot tell you how long it has been since I have had my telephone service interrupted four times in a single year. And the year aint half over yet!

So I go out and call the company and they tell me it will be July 8 before they can get here to fix it.

July 8?

That was 12 days out. Ridiculous. And I told them so. Well, I went back to the house and just got steamed even more, came back out and called them back. Oh, this time, the line check instead of showing that it was working is now 'compromised, it looks like it is our (the phone company) fault.' I was then assured that although the tech is set up to come on July 8, they will probably get it working by mid week(that is this week).

Sunday, we were visiting one of our kids for a grandson's birthday and when we got home, voila, we have a dial tone. Good. So we make one call and receive one call Sunday afternoon.

After therapy for the wife today we get home about noon. I get a cuppa and try to log on, and ---yep, no dial tone.

Can I say goddamnit? Yeah. I can. And did.

And went back out to make that same old call. Now five times, huh?

Well, whatta you know, they can get a tech here tomorrow!!!

Oh, they said the line check says that the line needs to be 'reset' whatever in hell that means.

So I come back home, eat my lunch, read the paper, and check the phone, just for the hell of it.

Holy shit, the damned thing has a dial tone.

I get online real quick, start reading my emails which are beginning to stack up, pretty good. I get three read, two deleted and boing boing disconnected. Try to log on, disconnected, no dial tone.

Really pissed off.

Go outside and pull weeds, work on the pool, come back in and get a drink. Decide to do some work on the genealogy from data already downloaded. On offchance, try to log on--works--now have dial tone, for how long I don't k now, I've been online for about two hours and it still is working.

But I'm not going to trust it, so I'm posting this baby now.

Wish us luck.

WV Supreme Court - Joe's Buds and Mutts' Henchmen

To say the very least, I am pretty upset. And every American who values their rights should be too. But they are not, because most of them do not know what is going on in this backwoods state. Having lived here most of my life and watching the progression or perhaps I should say dissolution, of the legal system, maybe I should not be surprised.

But I am. I am surprised at the power grab that I see within the WV State Supreme Court.

There is no longer any question that the state Supreme Court is making law in West Virginia. And they are making it from the bench, not by the time honored and accepted method of advising lawmakers (read that the Legislature) and the Governor, that certain laws might well be altered.

I admit that it really ground my grits that the WV State Supreme Court so misread the application of the law concerning when giving turn signals is required. In point of fact, the court turned its collective back upon the circumstances of the case and gave a motorist a free pass on a DUI because of the method used by the arresting officer. The officer noted that in the early morning the motorist did not give a turn signal when turning off the road. There were no other motorists around except the policeman. When the policeman noted a strong odor of alcohol, he proceeded to make a DUI arrest also and gave the man a citation for failure to signal a turn.

The court passed over the DUI and concentrated on the failure to give a signal citation. And, admittedly, there is a provision in the law that says that if no other motorist is affected, a signal is not required. BUT, and a big one to me, a policeman WAS there, and observed no signal being given. Does the office not count as another motorist?

So the court ruled, and at the time I thought it was simply an error in judgment on their part, that the DUI infraction was tossed out as was the failure to give signal.

Now, friends, I have driven an automobile or truck for over fifty years. I have never been cited for failure to give a signal, simply because, back in the Dark Ages, you actually had to memorize that section of the Drivers Manual supplied by the State Police to0 all beginning drivers. If you couldn't cite it word for word, you failed to get your Learners Permit. If I can remember it, here it is--

"The driver of a vehicle within and intersection intending to make a turn to the left, shall yield the right of way to every other vehicle within the intersection or so close thereto to constitute an immediate hazard, but said driver, having so yielded and having GIVEN A SIGNAL WHEN AND AS REQUIRED, shall proceed to make such left turn, and the drivers of all other vehicles shall yield the right of way to him."

Given a signal when and as required.

We were told that a signal was required every time we wanted to change lanes, turn right or left, or slow down significantly. We also were required to know proper hand signals.

When did this change? I did not take time to review all the changes that had been made in traffic laws since 1958. I got my license in 1959 and I know damned well that had a patrolman given me a citation for failure to give a signal back then, even if there were no other vehicles around, the WV Supreme Court would NOT have voided the ticket for such foolishness as they have displayed.

Yet, I got pooh-poohed for even thinking there was something afoot when I raised teh question of propriety.

A day or two ago, they did it again, only this time it really means something bad to everyone, and that is not pooh-pooh, it is plain old shit. No second guessing this one. It is an outright power grab, and a complete misuse of power by the court. The court decided to acquit a person who had been arrested, tried before a jury of her peers and found guilty, all by laws then in effect and sentenced properly under those laws. And the reason for acquitting her? The case law has always been wrong.

Never mind that we have actually executed people in this state under that same case law. Never mind the fact that case law has been the rule for generations.

Now let's look at this objectively. If the WV Supreme Court can, all on its own, make it stick that it can make prior laws unenforceable, then it stands to reason that our long standing protection from being charged and convicted for violations of newly enacted legislation for acts committed years before enactment is now gone. Who says? The WV Supreme Court, that is who says, and, by extension, Joe Manchin.

Hell, with such a precedent, the WV Supreme Court can declare the state constitution is unconstitutional. It is the most egregious power grab I have witnessed in my long and rather uneventful life. Just where do these assholes get off anyway?

There is not one single law in effect in West Virginia today that cannot be changed by this group if they are allowed to continue. And they will be allowed to do so.

This is exactly what Joe and Mutt have been hoping for. Now we have some 1.9 million citizens living in a state that has no law except what the government wants to say and enforce as the law, and, even then, they can change it from day to day, minute by minute. Jesus H. Christ, I can hardly believe it. Joe was reelected and the American people as a whole elected Mutt and now they can see where that is leading. Right down to perdition is where. No one is safe anymore, anywhere.

And here is Mutt kissing the ass of every enemy of the US, declaring the US to not be a Christian nation. Appeasement to every enemy. He simply can't seem to keep his lips off their big asses. His Secretary of State couldn't find her ass with two hands and a flashlight, and yet she is preparing to negotiate the release of two of Al Gore's reporters from North Korea (and no one has ever shown that they are not guilty even.) Why would we even consider negotiating for them if they are guilty?

Sorry. I got off topic.

Americans as a whole are a pretty good lot of people. They are basically honest, God-fearing people who desire to obey the laws. But now, no one can know what the law is. And that fits Joe's and Mutt's agendas perfectly. THEY are able to define what is law and don't you forget it, Bub! For what you may think is the law is not any more, unless those two say it is. And poor old Joe. He got sucked right in again, does he really thinkMutt is going to let him have a piece of that bone? He'll be shucked out as quick as an ear of corn by three hungry mules.

But it appears that the West Virginians, and all Americans by extension, have just been sheared but good. Man, I sure hope they have a mess of vaseline, because we are sure as hell gonna need it.

COMICALS

Ah, you young whippersnappers. You laugh at Dilbert and his Elbonians, but you never read the Katzenjammer Kids. You love Baby Blues, but you don't know squat about Lord and Lady Plushbottom. And Hager certainly cannot compare to Alley Oop. Garfield is fun, but Felix, now there was a real cat. And then there were the adventure guys--Steve Canyon, Flash Gordon, Superman, Cap-tain Marvel, Spiderman, Wonderwoman (to get a woman in there somewhere--old time comics didn't have many superwomen in them for some reason). And who could forget Terry and the Pirates? You could take a stroll down Gasoline Alley, maybe run into Little Orphan Annie and Sandy, or maybe even Little Lulu. Then you could make a stop at OurBoarding House and visit with the Colonel. Harrruuummmmph!

But out of all of them, there were two that stood out for me.

The first was Lil Abner. Now he was a handsome looking galoot from Dogpatch, and he had his pick of the women. And, shucks, he took a liking to Daisy Mae--finally married her. But for sheer good looks, who could possibly ask for more than Moonbeam McSwine. Politicians? Why everybody loved General Bullmoose (What's good for General Bullmoose is good for the USA.)

Law enforcement was enamored of Fearless Fosdick. And no one who ever got close could ever forget the Inside Man at the Skonk Works. Common sense was the forte of Mammy Yokum, and Pappy Yokum ws great at, at, um, ah, er, uh, uh, well just what in hell WAS Pappy good for, except swigging the McSwine's moonshine.

And then there was this guy who walked around under a cloud all the time. Can't remember his name right off, but I've been right there with him a few times in my life. Ah, Joe Bffstttkk, that was his name, or something like it anyway.

And you think the Elbonians were a great invention? Shucks, we had Lower Slobovians long before the first Elbonian swam out from under that rock (they do have rocks in Elbonia, don't they? I am not sure, all I've ever seen is water.)

And there were schmoos. And what a delight those schmoos were. Always had a smile on their faces, even when put into the pot to boil. Fried they tasted like chicken, baked like ham, boiled--make up your own favorite flavor. They were shaped like bowling pins with small legs.

Of course there were hundreds of other characters that Al Capp used to keep the shenanigans going. And every one of them had a name that was exactly apropos to their role.

Then. There. Was. Pogo!

What can you say about Pogo that he hasn't already said about himself? Pogo was little opossum that wore a pullover referee's shirt and lived in Okefenokee Swamp. He had a cast of characters about him that was outrageous, and not all came necessarily from the swamp. Probably his main claim to fame was the quote heard round the swamp, "We have met the enemy, and he is us."

I mean, really. What do you do after you have issued that bon mot?

Well, just about whatever you want to, it would appear. He had a set of friends ranging from Howland Owl and Churchy Le Femme to Mam'selle Hepzibah and Rackety Coon Child. Now Howland wore huge black horn-rimmed glasses. Don't get it? It's hilarious. Owls have exceptionally good eyesight, right? What a hoot. OK. To me it is funny.

Churchy of course was a turtle. There was also Albert the Alligator, who usually served as the straight man of the bunch, and of course, Mam'selle Hepzibah was a cutie of a skunk and spoke French. Albert, Howland, Churchy and Pogo formed the basic group and other characters weaved in and out as necessary to keep the story line going. There was a dog and dozens of other animals of all sorts--birds, reptiles, mammals--about anything you can conceive of that might at some time or other be in a swamp (and some which would not.)

Pogo was no lightweight when it came to the heavy topics of the day. When Kruschev (Kushaw) was pounding his shoe on the desk at the UN, there was a similar story line going on in Pogo, with a pig as Kushaw. There were, in fact, a number of books of Pogo and his adventures with this silly group. One had a story line where they were all in Siberia and were stranded on the steppes waiting for a train on the Trans-Siberian Railway. They had had nothing to eat for days and one piped up and said, "If we had some ham, we could have some ham and eggs, if we had some eggs." Another replied, "A man could starve to death in this country waiting on a train." To which the reply came, "All is equal in this country." To which the reply came, "All is starving." To which the reply came, "Da, BUT equal starving!"

And then, just to keep us happy, Walt Kelly would have the group sing some lovely songs. A few follow:

LLUDE SUNG CUCKOO

Wretched Richard, richened sweet,
By the fingers of his feet,
Toted tuppence with his toes,
Nodding nimbly next his nose.
The mist must myrtle on the way
Where last the minstral minstrel lay.


And this one for which I cannot remember the title

There were some wasps in our town,
Who with their lovely wives,
They suckled at the bramble bush
In search of lovely lives.

And when they saw each bush was dry,
Quick each and every one,
They wrapped it well in wire barb
To shield it from the sun.

And of course, everyone's favorite Christmas Carol


DECK US ALL

Deck us all with Boston Charlie,
Walla Walla, Wash. and Kalamazoo.
Nora's freezing on the trolley,
Swaller, dollar cauliflower, Allegaroo.
Don't we know archaic barrel,
Lillaby, lullaby, Louisville Lou.
Trolley Molly don't love Harold,
Boola, boola Pensacoola, hullabaloo.


Walt Kelly sure had a gold mine there. I could even stand reruns on Pogo. Charlie Brown has been around for ages, it is about time to retire him and bring on Pogo for another run.He is just as up to date as all the rest, even though Kelly quit drawing it over thirty years ago. Or was it forty? Yeah, more like forty, I think.

See you later, I'm stopping at Moon Mullin's place for a beer. Maybe talk with Mamie for a bit, see how Lord Plushbottom's lumbago is coming along.

Old Poems by Other People #5

Everyone has read and enjoyed William Wordsworth's "Daffodils". But if you don't remember it, here it is again--


DAFFODILS

I wandered lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o'er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,--
A host of golden daffodils
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.

Continuous as the stars that shine
And twinkle on the Milky Way,
They stretched in never-ending line
Along the margin of a bay:
Ten thousand saw I at a glance,
Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.

The waves beside them danced, but they
Outdid the sparkling waves in glee;
A poet could not be but gay
In such a jocund company;
I gazed--and gazed--but little thought
What wealth the show to me had brought.

For oft, when on my couch I lie,
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon my inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude;
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the daffodils.


Magnificent. Simply magnificent.

But I was a reader of MAD Magazine also, back in the early to mid-1950's. And at the same time I was learning some of the master poets and writers of the ages, I also got a bellyfull of trash. Plain unvarnished trash. Like this parody--


AXOLOTLS


I wandered lonely as a clod,
Just picking up old rags and bottles,
Till once, upon my way I plod
I saw a host of axolotls,
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
A sight to make a man's blood freeze.

Some had handles, some were plain.
They came in blue, red, pink and green,
Though most were mottled in the main,
The damnedest sight I've ever seen.
The females did a sprightly dance.
The male ones all wore knee-length pants.

Now, oft, when on the couch I lie,
The doctor asks me what I see.
They flash upon my inward eye
And make me laugh with fiendish glee.
I find my solace now in bottles,
And I forget those axolotls.


I'm sorry. There was a third verse, but for the life of me, I cannot recall any of it. So I publish what I can remember. And let you know that the original did appear in MAD Magazine sometime between 1954 and 1960. And I do not know the author. But I don't think it was Alfred E. Neumann!

My twelfth grade English Lit teacher did not like me very well when I would bring one of these to class and pass it around. But, other than that she was a good old girl. Her husband was the announcer for the football team, the PA guy, and we all liked him really well too. One morning she came in about fifteen minutes late (by the way, he was a doctor), and she told this class of twelfth graders (16 to 18 yrs old) that she was sorry, "But I just couldn't get Frank off this morning."

Open mouth. Insert foot.

Old Poems by Other Poets #4

When in high school, I was one of the fortunate ones that was able to have Stella Sumpter for Latin--for two years running. Now I was no great Latin scholar, but I was pretty good at piecing out what the writer was saying . She got all over me one time, though.

The story was about Quintus, and his family and friends liked to write letters telling about his exploits. So I had translated the pages the night before and had them written out and lying on my desk. It was at the beginning of the letter and the writer was asking about Quintus and his activities. But the way it was phrased, Quintus could be interpreted as I did--honestly. Naturally, Mrs. Sumpter had to call on me. All I did was to interpret it as if there was no capital Q. So I said--How is our fifth holding out?

The class was in an uproar. She was flabbergasted. And was going to give me a low mark for class activities that day. We convinced her otherwise, and my interpretation was given to other classes to see if they could spot the error. None could (as they had heard the story before they got into class.) She was again flabbergasted, and we moved on to Jason and the Argonauts.

Many terms used in the following appear to be Latin. See if you can spot the obvious ones that are not. It is called "Song of the Opossum" as translated. In the original the unknown author simply titled it


CARMEN POSSUM

The nox was lit by the lux of Luna,
And 'twas a nox most opportuna
To catch a possum or a coona;
For nix was scattered on this mundus,
A shallow nix, et non profundus.
On sic a nox with canis unus,
Two boys went out to hunt for coonus.
The corpus of this bonus canis
Was full as long as octo span is,
But brevior legs had canis never
Quam had hic dog; et bonus clever,
Some used to say, in stultum jocum
Quod a field was too small locum
For sic a dog to make a turnus
Circum self from stem to sternus.
Unis canis, duo puer,
Nunquam braver, nunquam truer,
Quam hoc trio nunquam fuit,
If there was I never knew it.
This bonus dog had one bad habit,
Amabat much to tree a rabbit,
Amabat plus to chase a rattus,
Amabat bene tree a cattus.
But on this nixy moonlight night
This old canis did just right.
Nunquam treed a starving rattus,
nunquam chased a starving cattus.
But securrit on, intentus
On the track and on the scentus,
Till he trees a possum strongum,
In a hollow trunkum longum.
Loud he barked in horrid bellum,
Seemed on terra vehit pellum.
Quickly ran the duo puer
Mors of possum to secure.
Quam venerit, one began
To chop away like quisque man.
Soon the axe went through the trunkum
Soon he hit it all kerchunkum;
Combat deepens, on ye braves!
Canis, pueri et staves;
As his powers non longius tarry,
Possum potest, non pugnare.
On the nix his corpus lieth.
Dow to Hades spirit flieth,
Joyful pueri, canis bonus,
Think him dead as any stonus.
Now they seek their pater's domo,
Feeling proud as any homo,
Knowing, certe, they will blossom
Into heroes, when with possum
They arrive, narrabunt story,
Plenus blood et plenior glory.
Pompey, David, Samson, Caesar,
Cyrus, Black Hawk, Shalmanezer!
Tell me where est now the gloria,
Where the honors of victoria?
Nunc a domum narrent story,
Plenus sanguine, tragic, gory.
Pater praiseth, likewise mater,
Wonders greatly younger frater.
Possum leave they on the mundus,
Go themselves to sleep profundus,
Somniunt possums slain in battle,
Strong a ursae, large as cattle.
When nox gives way to lux of morning,
Albam terram much adorning,
Up they jump to see the varmen,
Of the which this is the carmen.
Lo! possum est resurrectum!
Ecce pueri dejectum,
Ne relinquit track behind him,
Et the pueri never find him.
Cruel possum! bestia vilest,
How the pueros thou beguilest!
Pueri think non plus of Caesar,
Go ad Orcum, Shalmanezer,
Take your laurels, cum the honor,
Since ista possum is a goner!


Aw, you saw it coming, dintcha?

The poem appears on pages 484 and 485 of "The Best Lov Poems of the American People" Selected by Hazel Felleman, Garden City Books, Garden City, NY, copyright 1936, 37th printing, 1960