The Stupid Vault

The longer I live the more ignorance I see.

A person runs a red light while trying to get to the hospital to see his wife's dying mother. Such things happen daily. Most of the time no one sees them do it and there are no repercussions. Sometimes another driver sees them much too close and both drivers die as the result. And then there are the times a patrolman sees it and attempts to enforce the law.

The driver was a professional football player. He says he slowed down to make sure nothing was coming and then ran the red light. OK. Admission is good for the soul, and brands him eligible to receive a ticket. But he apparently does not respond to the red, white and blue lights flashing behind him and proceeds on to the hospital parking lot.

There the patrolman begins the ticket writing process only to be harassed by the errant driver protesting that his mother is dying. She is not, but that is irrelevant at this point. What is relevant is that the errant driver attempts to move on into the hospital without waiting for the patrolman to be finished doing what he is sworn to do. So the patrolman tells the errant driver to stop or be taken to jail.

Watching this whole scene unfold time and again on the morning news, I still am dumbfounded. Dumbfounded by the sheer arrogance of the errant driver. Arrogance that pushed him to break the law in the first place and arrogance in that he refuses to accept the blame in the second. All his conversation is directed to his mother dying.

OK. Now wait a second. It was his wife's mother, not his. His wife went on into the hospital and arrived in time to be with her mother when she died.

Errant driver continues to wail and wait. Is he really that dumb? Do what the policeman says, dumbass, take your ticket, say I'm sorry, and get your ass on into the hospital. But no, he has to keep on his tirade that his mother is dying. To the exclusion of any common sense.

And as a result, he was too late to be there when his MOTHER-IN-LAW died.

Just plain ignorant.

But, wait! There is more to this saga.

The Plano Police Department has placed the officer on administrative leave, pending investigation of HIS actions during the contretemps. I seldom use the term, but, WTF? The officer was doing his job. He even told the errant driver that if the driver had stopped and told him what was going on, he would probably have released him with no ticket no nothing. And I can tell you from my own personal experiences that the policeman would probably have run interference for him, to boot.

But to be placed on administrative leave because you did your job? Did it in a creditable and straitforward manner? Did it with due deference to the offender?

Sure, the apology and condolences for his mother-in-law delivered by the patrolman were nice, as was the apology by the Plano Police Department. But I never heard the Department say the patrolman was doing his duty, that the errant driver was wrong in his actions--but I'll bet a dollar to a donut that that citation will be quashed. And that would also be --IGNORANT.

This whole thing is more in keeping with the Keystone Kops. A man does his job, one that he was sworn to do, and has been excoriated by his own superior officers.

I give a huge THUMBS UP for the officer.

And the reverse for both the errant driver and the Plano Police Department administration.

Jesus, what's next? The stupid vault has been broken open andthere is more to come.

A Tribute--After 36 Years

We were living in Houston, TX. My wife was in the hospital awaiting our second child. I was at home with my in-laws who I had imported from WV for the big event. I was reading the morning paper, and my sister-in-law says, "Who is this guy, Ed Swinney. He's funny." So I said, "He's the local TV guru. Always poking fun at guys like Marvin (The Swindler) Gindler." She said, "You need to read this," and handed me the section she was reading.

And what Ed Swinney wrote was the following:

Start

Television
Slips that didn't pass in the night

By Ed Swinney, Post Television Editor


In retrospect, I probably threw some of you nice folks a curve with a parenthetical aside in the review of the TV adaptation of the 1931 Broadway musical "Of Thee I Sing." Reference the sweetened George Gershwin score, I added (with lyrics by his lovely wife Ira, as the blooper record tells us.

Maybe you never heard of the Kermit Scafer "Pardon My Blooper" series, a collectionof YV and radio fluffs going all the way back to the grandpappies of them all, Harry Von Zell, introducing "Hoobert Heever" and Uncle Don , thinking his mike was off, saying to a nation of little tykes, "That oughta hold the litte (bleeps)."

Audio fluffs or bloopers usually are spoonerisms, named for the real British counterpartof our ficticious Mrs. malaprop, who was always using the wrong word but which sounded almost the same as the correct one, with humorous results. For example, the athlete who announced that proceeds of a benefit would go to "indignant" ballplayers. The word in the script was "indigent."

The Rev. William A. Spooner was always reversing the initial sounds of one or two words, and this is the most common goof on radio and TV. More often than not, they're simply uncaught typos in the script; at other times they result from unfortunate juxtaposition of words or sentences, i.e., "Next week's sermon will be "Do you know what hell is? Come in and hear our organist."

Others are just plain people goofs, such as the time Raymond Massey was playing Abe Lincoln in a TV show and the crowd was waving and shouting farewells. Everyone got the right except Ted Knight, now on the Mary Tyler Moore Show. He said loud and clear, "Goodbye, Mr. Massey."

Then there was the quiz show contestant, a maid, who was asked how many people were in the family she worked for: "Let's see...there are four girls, three boys, one adult and one adultress." Another lady contestant had seven brothers and seven sisters but only one child. "Only one?" said the announcer. "Gimme a chance," she replied. "I only been married a month."

"A size 10 already, " protested a lady from the Bronx about her show gift bathing suit, "And I take a 44, so on top of everyting I tink it's gonna be tight in da clutch."

Spoonerisms and the unfortunate juxtapositing of words can happen to anybody, including the BBC announcer who praised a Jessie Matthews record as "one that should be on every British hit list" or the Canadian anouncer who signed off with "This is the Dominion Network of the Canadian Broadcorping Castration."

Announcer swho are pressed for time often run into problems. "I'm orry," purred a Midwest lady giving public notices, "but that's all the time we have, so several deaths and births will have to be postponed until next week." And the network announcer who had his eye on the clock more than the script: "Tune in next week when the subject iof the sermon will be 'Cast thy broad upon the waters.' This is the National Breadcasting Company."

Here are some classics from the Kermit Schafer collection:

"Get it at your local A and Poo feed store."
"Gen. Marshall arrived at the airport looking tall, dignified and uninformed."
"When the king and queen arrive, you'll hear a 21 sun galoot."
"You'll love this recipe for fricken chicasee."
"Join the blonde-a-month club."
"This report comes from reliable White Houses souses."
"Josh Logan's 'Fanny' is the biggest thing in town."
"Tune in at 6, when Mutual resents Fulton Lewis Jr."
"Patty McCormick, the American lady bullfighter, is recuperating in Mexico City, where she was gored by an infatuated bull."
"The 4H club is proud to present this plague to you."
"I'm proud to say that our firm is the largest manufacturer in the US of magnoosium, aleeminum and shtool."
"A warm mass is headed this way. That is a warm mass of air."
"American forces have stopped the advance of Hitler's pansy divisions."
"This is the CBS radio wetwork."
"Our shop has the latest maternity fashions for the modern miss."
"TV rights have just been sold to the Crimsey-Louse play 'Lice with Father'."

A listener can go through life without catching a live blooper, so I've been lucky , having witnessed several, including one on Arthur Godfrey's Talent scouts and a couple on the old Steve Allen Tonight Show, neither of which can be described here. When I was in New York last summer, Channel 7's newscaster mispronounced the title of a movie seen here later. He advised that there was no Dick Cavett Show, so "stay tuned for the late movie, 'Fantomas'."

I think he mispronounced it. I can' t think of any other reason for falling out of bed.

End


Yeah, I know. It does not age too well. But in 1972, it was hilarious. That is the reason I have kept this aging old yellow newspaper for almost 37 years. And probably will for a lot more.

A Quickie in the Snow

Just a quickie.

The splint is off, the boot is on. And the prohibition against any weight on the ankle still holds. The stitches came out yesterday and the incisions look really nice and clean, no streaking, no redness, so it appears that the surgery went well and the prognosis is good. No more doctor visits for four weeks, then x-rays to make sure everything is right and begin weight bearing therapy on walker and crutches.

The PT home visits are ended and she will have to go out to a PT for rotation and stretching exercises, fortunately there are a couple real close.

Life continues apace.

I have been contacted by a far off cousin regarding our joint genealogy. His name is Dave and he lives in Maryland. He is the great grandson of my grandfather's brother. I leave it to you to work out the relationship. I could find little to nothing on our joint relative, so we have been updating each other on family history from each side and are exchanging pictures and memorabilia. He just began into the genealogical aspects and, like we all were at that stage, is so exited to find anything even if it is wrong. It is interesting.

I am constantly behind on the news events of the day. By the time I hear what is happening it is already old news and all I can do is pass a slow curve instead of a fastball or a slider.

Quickie time is over. Back on my head!

Just one more--

You know what a quickie is, right? Do you know what a coolie is? Look at the title of this post!